I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
