the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I just blew my weed a kiss
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
