she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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