I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize