quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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