Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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