if you like me you must not know who I am
Buhtt sex?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
