My nipple is on Facebook.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Randomize
