It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
