Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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