This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Damn victory sex feels great
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
