i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
