Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
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