none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
