i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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