My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
