i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
