Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
