I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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