You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
