It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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