Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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