I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
