I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
