Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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