I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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