ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
