Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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