I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
