I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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