i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
