do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
