Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
