he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Dignity is for republicans.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
