is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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