you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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