You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
