Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
