He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
