i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
