Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
not ubering you a puppy
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
