I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
