Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
