I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
