so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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