you traded sex for a burrito?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
this will be a night to untag.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize