Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
