Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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