I'm eating all of the evidence.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Someone signed my nipple.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
