My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Do vagina's smell?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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