oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
