a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
She's the barista slut.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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