woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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