it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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