Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
