if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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