you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
