haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
