What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
