She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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