So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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