i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
