ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
