i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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