shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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