doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize