I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
