Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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