So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
