the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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