I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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