Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
we have pet lesbian snakes
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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