i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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