therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
