They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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