one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
