My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
