He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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