I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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