Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
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