Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Well I just put wine in my tea
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
